


Bookstores and Breakdowns

by ArtsyRiv



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Temporary Character Death, Depression, Eating Disorders, F/F, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, Ghost Chara (Undertale), Houseplant Flowey (Undertale), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mute Frisk (Undertale), Nonbinary Chara (Undertale), Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Frisk (Undertale), Other, Please stay safe, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route, Poverty under capitalism, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, there's a lot guys, these are my comfort characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:55:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27158279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtsyRiv/pseuds/ArtsyRiv
Summary: "Sans, leave. You can't fix me, you can't do anything about anything, can you?" They yelled, flinging the knife around wildly while gesturing.His eyelights shrunk significantly, and his smile tightened. "Nozomi, put the knife down. Please."Formerly the mess that was Bad Day (the old version), I bring you an angsty, self-indulgent fic. I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed making it! Updates every two weeks (roughly), feel free to yell at me if not.
Relationships: Alphys/Undyne (Undertale), Asgore Dreemurr/Toriel, Frisk/Original Character, Papyrus/Mettaton, Sans/Original Character
Comments: 13
Kudos: 17





	1. Bad Days and Bookstores

**Author's Note:**

> Yep! It's here! I'm back!

As soon as Nozomi opened their eyes, they knew it was going to be one of those days. Their chest felt too heavy and tight with each breath and they were hyper aware of each and every fiber of fabric touching their skin. Yep, it was one of those days. A bad day, with a capital b and a capital d. Although, the more they thought about it, wasn’t that all of their days now? 

The sunlight (too bright) filtered in through the open window, illuminating the dust particles. Nozomi groaned, and closed their eyes tight. If they couldn’t see the disaster that was their room, then it couldn’t hurt them. Until of course, they felt the hands. Hands holding them down, all over them. Nozomi opened their eyes and stared blankly at the ceiling, trying to force down the bile that was steadily rising in their throat. They rolled onto their side carefully, to avoid upsetting the lava residing in their abdomen, trying to ground themself as they looked at their ticking analog clock, a sunshine yellow that was the exact opposite of how they felt. 

Huh, the more they thought about it, they felt devoid of EVERYTHING. The sunlight simply highlighted the shadows in the corner, which seemed to move and dance, having a silent rave as Nozomi struggled to exist. They were a robot, no, a robot would be so much better than they were. No more mental anguish, no more emotions, no more pain. Beep boop. 

They somehow managed to drag themself from their tiny bed, throwing the single threadbare blanket from their body. They were vaguely aware of dressing themself and washing their face, basic human things. Sure, it was just some clothes on their floor that definitely weren’t clean, and they washed their face with just freezing cold water but that counted, right? No binder today, too much work, dysphoria be damned. They tried to brush their curly locks, but the brush got tangled within the first couple of yanks. Giving up, they just threw it back onto the counter before throwing on some shoes and trudging on towards the door. They paused, hesitating near the kitchen but decided that food would be fine without them. They hadn’t gone grocery shopping in who knows how long anyways. That being said, they did stare blankly into it for a moment, daring the dead herbs and the moldy bread to move.

They moved slowly, heavily, dragging their feet. Sasquatch spotted in Nozomi’s apartment. Door locked, lights off, keys in hand like brass knuckles, knife on a chain around their neck. Their legs stung, every movement causing chafing of raw wounds against fabric. They didn’t remember doing that but honestly that didn’t mean a thing anymore. They glanced down, but there was no visible blood through the fabric on their thighs. Sweatpants would be fine for work, right? Sighing, they started their daily walk to work.

Everyone on the street steered clear of them. Like a river moving around a rock, people flowed around them as they walked slowly through the chill morning town. Men didn’t stare them up and down today, a welcome rarity, even if it was most likely due to the vacant, robotic look in their eyes. Regardless, it was appreciated. No catcalls meant no misgendering, none of the nausea and self-doubt that always accompanied whispered "they"s. They caught a look at themself in a window and almost winced. Unkempt hair, dark circles under bloodshot eyes, stained sweatpants and a too big college t-shirt. The shadows looked into the window with them. It was strange, but they seemed more like companions than enemies. Maybe it was the familiarity. The shadows seemed to understand, but they still hovered a little too close to their disheveled Ebott University shirt. They seemed a bit like bodyguards, as crowds of humans and monsters flowed around them. At least this time. Nozomi knew not to trust them. They knew better than to trust anyone.

They reached their place of work and let out a sigh of relief. The old-fashioned facade was completed with scripted letters on the window, proudly advertising the name  _ The Tattered Page: Something Old, Something New, Always Unexpected.  _ Nozomi sighed and unlocked the door, a bell announcing their arrival to rows and rows of books. They inhaled the smell of the ink and the pages slowly, hoping to feel something but to no avail. Instead they quickly focused their energy on tidying, not that there was really anything to tidy, but it gave them a sense of purpose. Once that was done, they clocked in and put on some soft music before flipping the homey chalkboard sign to ‘open’. 

They didn’t expect anyone for at least an hour, it was still early, just after 8 am, and Gerson usually arrived when people did, so they listened to the soft piano music, humming along mindlessly, as they re-stocked shelves and made notes of which books they needed to order more of. 

They wandered the aisles, seeing the shadows walk alongside them, like guards meant to keep in the bad instead of keeping it out. The books brought them no comfort today, no matter how much they inhaled the homey scent and ran their hands along the worn spines of the leather bound classics.The titles blurred in the distance between the shelves and their brain, distorted in the looking glass that was their eyes. Did they put on their glasses? Did they wear glasses? They couldn't seem to remember.

Regardless, they were trying, and that was worth something. Or at least that’s what they should be thinking. If their thoughts weren’t clouded. A fog that coated their brain and the store around them. The static was back, a ringing sensation in their ears that reminded them of a lost connection, of lost thoughts. And the shadows, oh the shadows. Nozomi didn’t know how they got into their brain but they were eating their thoughts and leaving them with nothing. Nothing but 1s and 0s, leaving them an emotionless, thoughtless shell with nothing but pain and memories. Foul memories of a tall figure reminding them what they were. An "it". A tremor ran through their body at the unbidden voice of their father running mockingly through their mind. "It. It. It. It."

The shadows must have liked the song, because they were acting rather excited, moving rapidly. The club really was getting turnt tonight. The biting voice of their father fit right in, taunting them in time to the music, crescendoing louder and louder and louder. Some of the shadows began to grow and shift into his face, his body, and Nozomi forgot how to breathe.

The bell sounded, cutting through voices and static, breaking up the shadows, scattering them into small pieces across the store, thankfully faceless and formless once again.

“Welcome to the Tattered Page. Please feel free to ask me if you need anything.” That voice, that was their voice? Right? Too high, too feminine, too wrong.  _ Stupid.  _ The words sounded off, distorted. They were too slow, too flat, so different from the peppy customer service voice that Nozomi usually sported during work. The shadows were all around the newcomers, but it was clear that the beings were confused by the departure from the ordinary greeting. Probably some regulars or something. Nozomi couldn’t find it in themself to care.

“HUMAN! ARE YOU OKAY?” The voice barely registered through the static, despite the cheery tone and loud volume. Why did the static only get louder with each breath? How loud did it need to be? Oh right, the voice had asked a question. Common courtesy demands an answer.

“I am just fine. Thank you for asking. How may I assist you today?” The words were jerky; each one punctuated and flat, falling on the floor instead of reaching their target.

“HUMAN!” Their hand was grabbed, causing them to jerk away slightly (they didn’t have energy for anything more drastic than that). They were vaguely aware that the face looking at them was not human, in fact it appeared to be some kind of skeleton-like monster, and that face was definitely concerned. Nozomi berated themself for being so racist as to assume that the patrons were human. Racist? Speciest? The cheery voice cut through the self-deprecating talk. “I CAN CALL MY FRIEND, HE IS THE OWNER. ARE YOU SICK? SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG!”

“I’m... fine.” The response would maybe have been convincing, okay, no, not in a million years, but the 'not fine' was simply emphasized by the fact that they just looked lazily at their hand, which was limper than an overcooked noodle in the gloved hand of the monster. The glove was red. Did that make this spaghetti? They were allergic to spaghetti. Well, not spaghetti, but tomato sauce. Would this monster mind? Would he leave if they told him so?

“Papyrus, call Gerson. I’ll take this.” The pressure on their hand disappeared and so did the face that had been there but that was quickly replaced with a different face, still skeletal but somehow chubbier, bigger boned. This face was smiling, but it was a small, pained smile, nothing genuine or positive. “Hey there, kiddo. Can you focus on me? Can you hear me?”

Nozomi opened their mouth to answer affirmative but got distracted by the shadows. They were everywhere, listening intently to hear what they had to say. They were too close. Too close, too big, revealing snarled teeth and a voice shouting "it". Something touched their arm and they reeled, blind.  _ They had to get away or Dad was going to hurt them again. _

Their head hit something hard, causing the ringing to increase, their breathing went funny, fast fast faster.  _ They didn't say anything, why did Dad throw them? _ They scrambled into the corner behind the counter but the shadows surrounded them, closing in closer and closer. They weren't friends, they weren’t safe, they were Father. They were going to kill them. They were too close, they weren’t companions, they were gonna hurt them. They were going to kill them.  _ Too close, too close, too close. _

“Breathe, kiddo. Breathe. Nobody’s gonna hurt you. I promise. Just breathe. Please.” The voice was a deep baritone, it cut through the high pitched whine and static ringing in their ears. It was soft, kind, patient, cutting through the screams of their father. “Can I touch you?”

The shadows were reaching out and trying to strangle them, Nozomi fought them off, scratching them off of them. 

“You’re okay. Shhh. Breathe.” Their hands were grasped firmly by something. It was warm. Warm. Their hands were so cold. They felt so cold.

The warm smelled like ketchup. They were allergic. Should they tell the voice? That seemed like a good idea. The voice chuckled, a deep warm baritone. "You're not going to eat me, relax."

“Nozomi?” That was Gerson, they would recognize his deep, crackling voice anywhere. Like a grandfather that they never had. “Are you okay?” Nozomi nodded slowly, jerkily. “You’re really not. Take the day off, and any more time you need.” They shook their head.

“Can’t. Need. Rent. Medicine. Food?” The last item was more of a question, an afterthought. People ate food, right? They wouldn't know, they were just an it. Not allowed to eat. Dad said so.

“When’s the last time you ate?” Gerson’s voice was gentle but firm, albeit concerned. They shrugged, a difficult motion since the shadows were clinging to their back.

“HUMAN!” The loud, cheery voice caused them to wince, even though they knew it wasn't Father. It was Spaghetti, the one with the gloves. The one with the bright sunshine voice. It felt safe.

“Papyrus, loud noises are hurting them.” Gerson said gently, perhaps a little bit more quiet than necessary to emphasize his point.

“Sorry. Dear Human, You Need To Eat.” His voice was still loud but much softer than before. Father's voice was never that soft. Or that cheery. Nozomi decided to repeat this joke aloud, but there was nothing but concern in the audience. Tough crowd. But the shadows seemed to enjoy it, moving as if they were cackling.

Gerson looked at them carefully, his eyes scanning them with concern. “Paid leave. Take your time. I want you to be safe more than anything, Nozomi.”

The shadows were creeping in and Nozomi instinctively went to claw them off only for the things holding their hands to tighten. Was that Spaghetti or Ketchup?

“Boys, can you help them home? They're in the same apartment building.” Gerson said, noticing the poor adult. “I’m afraid that they won’t make it home on their own.”

Nozomi barely registered the response. One of their hands was released and they were somehow on their feet again. They moved on autopilot, hardly hearing the bell. Someone helped them into a seat, and they buckled in, missing the warmth that had been coming from the other hand. They lost track of everything except for the shadows and the static. Muffled voices were speaking, but Nozomi couldn’t seem to decipher anything or bring themself to care.

The warmth came back, taking their hand again. They gladly took it. The deep baritone voice said something. Nozomi couldn’t understand it. Someone shook their shoulders and they blinked slowly, trying to clear their vision. 

“Keys?” The baritone asked patiently, quietly. Nozomi just took them out of their pocket and held them out blankly. They slowly blinked again. That door looked familiar. Huh. That was their apartment. Somehow the door was unlocked, and the brothers were still there.

The warmth led them to their room, which Nozomi mumbled an apology for. The red gloves, Spaghetti, tucked them into bed, carefully, taking off their shoes and turning out the light. Nozomi stared at the wall, the sunlight slightly less obnoxious now, slowly slipping into sleep. They heard the baritone voice saying goodbye softly, but they were already drifting off. Nozomi closed their eyes and relaxed slightly, tension from the day draining away. Maybe this day wasn’t quite as bad as it could have been.


	2. Flashbacks and New Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nozomi is healing from their day yesterday, and somebody comes to check on them.

As a child, Nozomi had been scared of monsters under the bed. Scared of the monsters in the closet, and mostly the monster that was their father. It was the most natural part of being a child to them. You are scared of the dark, of creepy crawlies under the bed, and of your father. 

So when the monsters showed up on the news, Nozomi had been confused. A mere child leading an exodus of hundreds of beings. News channels covered developments constantly, ranging from “these monsters want rights, what’s with that?” to “look at the cute face the human ambassador made”. Nozomi was very confused. Not just by Frisk, a tenacious little child with messy brown hair and a bright smile. The ambassador, who wore a blue hand knitted sweater that said “they/them” in crooked pink letters and cargo pants to a meeting with international diplomats. The mute youngster who captured the hearts of people everywhere and yet kept everyone on the news speculating about whether or not they were somehow corrupted by the monsters to be neither male nor female.

No, although Nozomi was as enraptured with the child as everyone else, they were more confused by the kindness, the smiles, the warmth that radiated from these beings, more than they had ever witnessed. A far cry from the emotionless crowds bustling everywhere, of the anger that pervaded the world. A monster's soul was made out of love and compassion. Of course Nozomi was familiar with the concept of souls prior to the discovery of the monsters. But this was much more tangible.

Rather than being a tool used to scare Nozomi into submission, the soul was a real thing. Everyone was encouraged to incorporate their soul trait into their work, since it was the most natural thing for them to do. Monsters taught doctors how to draw out souls to check for health that way. Nozomi had it done once, and once was far more than enough. The concerned look of the bunny monster at the sickly green color of Nozomi’s soul had been enough to make them feel as if somehow not having a soul would have been better. 

Having no soul would be familiar. It certainly would be better than the look of pity that the bunny had given them. They had been called soulless enough times for ten lifetimes by their father, forced to sit through lectures and sermons. The monsters had questioned everything that they thought they knew. Nozomi's entire foundation had crumbled the instant that they met Gerson for the first time. They had marked female on the job application after much debate, they had been rejected too many times to care about being misgendered. Of course, it had always been for a stated reason not related to their gender, but they knew better. Most people didn’t want to hire a “tranny” unless it helped fill a diversity quota.

"What pronouns do you prefer?" The question had caught Nozomi off guard. It had been on the application. The application that was sitting right in front of him. Why was he asking? Was this a trick question? They had prepared for every outcome, every question. Except for this one, obviously. They fumbled for an answer. What did this kind monster want? "You're hired already, Nozomi, I just want you to be as comfortable here as possible." 

Nozomi hadn't known that they were crying as Gerson had written they/them at the top of their application, until he returned with a box of tissues. A huge weight had been lifted and Nozomi didn't know how to react.

Every single monster had been the same way, kind, respectful, always making sure to ask about pronouns and gender, never recoiling in disgust. This kindness wasn't just limited to gender though. 

One time Nozomi had been ill but still had come to work, desperate to stay in good standing with the grandfatherly turtle. Gerson had smiled gently and drove them home. He left them some soup and golden flower tea. 

Yes, the monsters had questioned everything that Nozomi knew about the world. They had known not to trust anyone, but yet found themself unable to do anything but trust every monster they came into contact with. They knew that touch would hurt them, that was one of the constants of the world, but when Gerson hugged them, the world felt safe again.

But this, this had to take the cake.

Nozomi stared blankly at the wrapped tray and the note on their doorstep before finally picking it up and bringing it back into their apartment, trying for the millionth time to make sense of the handwriting. It was addressed simply to "HUMAN", but for some reason it reminded them of the voice - loud, boisterous, caring - from yesterday. The one that had held their hand and asked what was wrong. The one with the gloves the color of marinara sauce.

'HUMAN, I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, NOTICED THAT YOUR APARTMENT WAS A BIT DIRTY. I HOPE THAT YOU DO NOT MIND, BUT I WATERED YOUR PLANTS AND THREW AWAY THE FOOD THAT HAD GONE BAD. I HOPE THAT WE CAN BE FRIENDS, AND AS A TOKEN OF MY GOOD WILL, I HAVE ENCLOSED SOME FRIENDSHIP SPAGHETTI! 

NYEH-HEH-HEH,

PAPYRUS.' 

A stranger wanted to be their friend? A stranger that witnessed their worst moment? Nozomi could comprehend a lot of things, but this was not one of them. This  _ Papyrus _ must have been the one who tucked them into their bed. Suddenly Nozomi was painfully aware of their thighs, perhaps that hadn't been necessary. Maybe they hadn’t been hurt in that way. But the past always repeats and repeats and repeats, the only way to remove the violation was to cause another. Right? A high-pitched whistling filled their ears, pulling them from their spiraling thoughts. What was that sound? They tried to still their shaking hands enough to carry the tray but it was fruitless. They quickly grabbed it, the ceramic bowl creating a slight clanking sound against the metal tray.

They set the tray down on the kitchen counter as quickly as possible, an uncomfortably loud noise that made them wince, and turned back to the stove, where a tea kettle was whistling. That's right. Tea. They were making tea. That was that sound. 

They took a mug out of the cupboard, a chipped white oversized cup that barely fit into their shaking hands. They carefully poured the water into it, trying to quell the shaking that seemed to permeate their entire existence before grabbing a random tea bag and throwing it into the steaming water. They couldn't do many things right, but they could make tea. A few scalding drops splashed onto their arm but they barely felt it, too busy trying to hold onto their existence, onto reality. Tea. Tea was safe. Normal. They knew what tea would do. Tea couldn't make them fat or confuse them or make them question everything that was reality.

Love, compassion, hope. They would never get used to being at the receiving end of this kindness. Somewhere in the depths of their dilapidated couch, their phone buzzed. Nozomi was too busy staring past the beige wall to care, upright only by the support of the counter. The paint was dirty and chipped, scuffed in some areas, with holes left from thumbtacks, reminders of the previous tenants that had lived there. It felt a lot like themself, dirty and plain, used and abandoned. Why would people care about them? Gerson, they could pretend to understand. He was an old, sweet monster, the one who gave them days off if they sneezed and left little pastries on their doorstep, of course he would be kind to them. But a stranger? A random stranger? Nozomi shook their head and turned back to the tea, throwing the tea bag away before sipping it in shaking hands and scalding their tongue. They rolled their tongue around in their mouth, feeling the rough texture of burnt taste buds scrape against the roof of their mouth. Feeling. Feeling is good. They centered on the sensation, trying to find their way back into their body again before shivering violently. They felt so cold. 

A knock at the door broke Nozomi out of their ritual, causing them to jump and splash some tea onto their hands. More sensation, more feeling. Who cares what sensation it was?

"Coming!" Nozomi winced at the femininity of their voice.  _ Lower your voice, next time _ . The berating morphed as somewhere in the back of their brain, a voice that sounded suspiciously like Father began to taunt them. Nozomi put the tea down, perhaps a bit too hard as some splashed onto their hand yet again. Using the wall to support them, they made their way to the door before opening it. Eyes on the ground, speak clearly but with a low pitch, no fidgeting, no movement, no weakness. "Hello, how can I help you?"

"Good to see that you're doing better. kiddo." The voice was baritone, smooth, familiar. Familiar? Nozomi’s eyes jerked up to meet the eyes of the visitor. The face was familiar as well, but barely, a hazy memory of holding hands and whispered worries. A lazy grin, accompanied by tired eyes, eyesockets? A skeleton. This wasn't the one with the gloves and the strange note. Maybe a brother? Was that prejudiced? To assume that two skeleton monsters were related? How long had they been standing there, staring? Had they said anything? Oh God, had they invited them in? They must look like a monster hater! They shook their head. Restart, reboot, wipe the brain like an etch-a-sketch.

"Would you like to come in?" Nozomi instantly winced again, berated themself for not lowering their voice below the natural tone.  _ Stupid. High pitched. Spoke too fast. _ Wait, did the skeleton say kiddo? "Also, I’m not a kid."

"Sure thing, kiddo." The skeleton grinned, shrugging. Nozomi's lips twitched slightly upwards as they held the door wider to let the skeleton shuffle in. Hoodie, shorts, and slippers? Eh, they couldn't judge. Seemed comfortable. Did they have slippers somewhere? Shorts, couldn't wear those out for a while. They brushed their hands against their pants to try and calm the shaking, as if they could just rub it off. Their brittle nails caught on the fabric. They needed to clip them again. They cleared their throat, clasping their hands behind their back.

"I don't believe we've officially had the pleasure of meeting."  _ Too formal.  _ **_Too formal._ ** The pleasure? What were they, 200? God, couldn't they do anything right?

"Name's Sans. Sans the skeleton. You called me Ketchup though." Nozomi winced. Leave it to them to say something that dumb. "Hey, no sweat. Thought we could ketchup now that you’re up." His statement was accented by a cheesy wink, bringing Nozomi out of their self-deprecation.

"Was- was that a pun?" They tried really hard not to stutter.

"I know it seems unlikely that I could mustard the courage for a pun at such a thyme as this, but I truly relish puns." That, that was definitely a pun. Several puns. Of course he was mocking them. Stupid. They ruin everything. Sans' smile slipped slightly at the corners, his eyelights focusing, shrinking. "Hey, you ok?"

Nozomi shook their head again rapidly. The world spun and tilted, causing them to grab onto the wall again. "Yeah, I'm fine." They were forgetting something.  _ Tea. _ They inched towards the kitchen and grabbed it, leaning against the counter with their entire weight.

Sans arched a brow bone (how) before following them into the kitchen. "I see that you got my brother's spaghetti."

"Y-yeah! I don't think I can eat it but it was really sweet." 

Sans hummed in understanding. "He was pretty worried about leaving you here yesterday. You seemed pretty out of it."

"I’m fine.” Nozomi blurted out before realizing just how that sounded. “I mean thank you." 

Sans smiled a bit more. "No problem kiddo. Are you feeling better today?"

Nozomi was suddenly overly aware of every cut. Of waking up in a tidy bed and freaking out. Doing what they knew best to get rid of the hands. The socks that they forgot to take off stained red. The need for more gauze, even as the gauze they tried to wrap around their thighs was torn to shreds with their shaking hands and sharp, ragged nails. "Yeah." Lies. Too many lies. 

Sans looked skeptical. Or maybe that was their imagination. His smile hadn't slipped, his eye lights just seemed a little more focused, trained on them. But he didn't press. After all, he was a stranger and they were a failure. The silence stretched on too long.

They shifted from looking at him to looking anywhere but him. Hands at sides, brushing hair, back to sides, holding each other. They didn’t know how to hold a conversation, especially one where this fragile acquaintance relied on improvement, on them being able to lie and say that everything was fine and that they were absolutely stable and this was a one time thing and not every day and be able to laugh it off and-

Nozomi tried to focus on anything, ground themself with anything before this turned into a full-blown panic attack. The gauze under their sleeve was fascinating. A small piece lodged into their nail. They didn't care.

Sans' eyelights dimmed, hazier than before, noticing the bandage. He seemed to be studying them, with their hollow cheeks and pale skin, their ragged nails and shaking hands, their disheveled appearance and lack of energy. Nozomi decided that they hated it. The silence was deafening, the only sound being of their struggling heart beating in their ears, their throat, everywhere where it definitely didn’t belong.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

Sans was the one to break the silence, clearing a non-existent throat before awkwardly shoving his phone in their direction. "Well, here, put your number in. We can stay in touch and stuff." Nozomi wasted no time, eager for the questioning silence to end, and for Sans to stop looking at them with such ... concern. "Have you eaten?"

"Huh?" Nozomi looked up, having put in the phone number after retyping it six or seven times because their hands _wouldn't._ _stop. shaking_.

"Food. Have you eaten it today?" The question was simple but direct and Nozomi hated the pit in their stomach. They looked at the ground instead of at the inquiring, concerned eyes of this skeleton stranger. "Thought so." He looked like he was deep in thought for a moment. "Hang on. I'll be back in a minute." 

Nozomi jumped as Sans suddenly disappeared. Of course they knew that monsters had magic, they worked with one after all. But teleportation was new. Nozomi dug their ragged nails into their arm, trying to focus on that sensation. The nails bent slightly but did a good enough job for now. Food. Nobody besides Gerson ever seemed to ask about it. 

Sans blipped back into the room, making Nozomi jump yet again. "Here. Grillby makes the best burg around. No pressure to eat it while I'm here. I asked him to hold the tomato. Figured that you were allergic." 

Nozomi choked out a thank you, a cold weight in their throat. Cold. So cold.

"No problem, kiddo. I'll see you tomorrow." Sans picked up the tray of spaghetti with a final look of concern and blipped out of the room, leaving Nozomi alone. 

They carefully took the greasy bag of food and placed it into the trash can. A lump formed in their throat that they desperately tried to swallow. They couldn’t eat. They weren’t allowed to eat after episodes. Memories of being locked into a closet for days at a time flooded their mind, and Nozomi made no effort to stifle them this time. They took up space, they made another being worry. The punishment for that was three days of no food. 

They stared into the trash again before closing the lid. They might make an exception and go a whole week. After all, he said that he would be back tomorrow, and that definitely constituted more worry than the typical amount. With their mind set, they dumped their now cold tea and went back to their room. No bed for them, beds meant bad things and were only for good children anyways. Instead they curled into a ball in their small and dark closet and cried themself to sleep.


	3. Outings and New Acquaintences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nozomi meets a new character, and there may be reason to be scared this time.

_ He told you tomorrow _ . Nozomi bit down on their palm trying to keep their tears at bay.  _ So you know he was just mocking you, just getting your hopes up. _ Nozomi figured it was their fault anyways, he was a stranger, he had absolutely no obligation to them. Through their threadbare curtain, light pierced into their room, but Nozomi was quick to sink deeper into their sweater. 

What day is it? Nozomi ran their tongue along their teeth, making a note of the gunk built up, before shrugging. What did it matter? They had no friends, no obligations. Gerson told them to stay home, so he wouldn’t know if they… Nozomi began to absentmindedly scratch at their healing arms. They had abandoned the gauze after Sans had left, what was it, two days ago? Three? Four? Less chance of another slip up, of somebody asking, of somebody being worried. And who would there be to care if the wounds got infected anyways? Gerson, maybe, but he was old, and they could just say that it was a human cold or something. Sans? Not a chance, he abandoned them.  _ Just like everyone else. It’s your fault. _

Nozomi couldn’t argue with that. Here they were, wearing the same clothes from when Sans had checked in on them. They barely dared to leave their closet, and only ducked out to grab water or use the restroom. Once they grabbed their phone, with the crisis line dialed, but just stared at it and debated for hours and hours, as the battery drained.  _ Nobody would care. They’ll just commit you. You can’t afford another bill right now. Can you even speak anyways? _ Now their dead phone lay on the ground next to their feet. They wondered if anyone had called. Probably their landlord. Rent was probably past due. Maybe the pharmacy, as if they took their meds anymore. Nothing that mattered, or would matter soon. 

Nozomi closed their eyes. They couldn’t remember the last time they had eaten, but they knew that if they just didn’t move, and just went to sleep, everything would come to an end eventually. The thought brought a wry smile to their face. They’d finally do something right. They’d finally be free. They’d-

Their thoughts ground to a halt as they heard a distant knock on their front door. On autopilot, they stumbled to their feet and rushed to the door, using their forward momentum from falling. Maybe it was someone important. Can’t risk not answering if it’s the police, can’t fight back, remember, remember. They braced against the doorframe before using the rest of their strength to fling the door open. Unfortunately, that was enough to overbalance them, sending them face first into the carpet. 

Blinking rapidly to try and clear their vision, the first thing Nozomi noticed was pink. As their vision slowly began to come back, they could tell that they were slippers. Pink slippers. Familiar. The rushing in their ears began to calm down, less like a waterfall and more like a quiet lake, and words began to make sense.

“Stars, kid, sorry about that. Are you ok?” Familiar. Nozomi couldn’t seem to think at all, much less move from their new ground-level view. “Are you ok with me helping you up?” The thought of another being making physical contact caused their skin to crawl, but they were surely causing a scene, lying prone in the hallway, so they let out a single grunt. “Ok, I’ll try to be gentle.” 

Jesus Christ. Nozomi’s head rushed as a blue force seemed to grab onto their very soul, and pull them upright. Their vision went white, ears ringing forcefully, before their world slowly came back into focus. Huh. That was magic. Certainly beat being touched though.

“So, kid. Want to tell me what that was?” Oh. Right. Nozomi looked up from the ground, and to the skeleton with the strained smile. Sans. What was he doing here?

“I… tripped.” A voice said. Their voice? Nozomi couldn’t tell. 

“You’re shaking.” Sans observed, ignoring the obvious lie in lieu of raking his eyelights along their body meticulously, leaving Nozomi feeling exposed. His eyelights seemed to hover by their sternum for a moment longer before shrinking to mere pinpricks and his smile almost dropped completely. Nozomi clutched their hands against their chest, knowing their soul was there.

“W-what are you doing here?” Nozomi forced out around the lump that was getting larger and larger in their throat, going back to staring at the carpet and those damn slippers.

“I’m sorry.” Nozomi whipped their head up, curls flying and vision blackening briefly, to meet Sans’ gaze. “I meant to come and check in on you, but I got called in and then negotiations went pear shaped, and I know I should’ve let you know and at least made sure that you were alive, but I didn’t and I’m sorry, ok?”

Um. Okay. Not what Nozomi was expecting. They opened and closed their mouth trying to think of anything to say. Finally they managed to whisper out a few words. “ ‘m not mad. You’re ok.” 

“But you’re not.” The words were blunt and Nozomi could see that his eyes were on the trashcan, the bag with the Grillby’s logo at the top of the trash. “Nozomi, do you even know what day it is?”

Nozomi tried to think, but gave up, shaking their head subtly, even that causing their world to slip and rotate. They ended up stumbling a little bit but caught their footing as Sans watched with unbridled concern. 

“Hey, can we sit down? I’m  _ bone _ tired.” Sans gave Nozomi a wink and they smiled weakly. 

“Sure.” Sans offered them an arm, which they took, dignity be damned, and he led them to the couch. “Thanks.” The couch, ratty as it was, was really comfortable. Nozomi relaxed slightly into it. 

“No problem.” Sans was slouching on his side of the couch, watching them with half-lidded eyes. The silence was tense, Sans watching Nozomi as they fidgeted and looked anywhere but him. “So… have any nicknames or anything?”

Nozomi’s eyes snapped back to his face, noticing the cautious expression. They yanked their sweater sleeves further down over their hands, but slowly answered. “My name is Nozomi James. I wanted something, I don’t know, that is both Japanese and American and masculine and feminine? I feel it just kind of balances itself out. Nozomi, James, and Zomi are the things people call me most.”

Sans nodded carefully. “That’s really cool. You are nonbinary right?” Nozomi flinched slightly and he put his hands out in a placating gesture. “Hey! No judgement! Frisk is family and a lot of monsters are nonbinary! I just want to know so I don’t misgender you.”

Nozomi hesitated before carefully nodding. They whispered a question back. “You’re male, right?” 

“Yep! He/him pronouns and all! No  _ bones  _ about it!” Nozomi smiled slightly at the terrible pun before picking at their sleeves some more. The silence was slightly more comfortable, but it was still tense around the edges. “You know, you remind me of Frisk a little bit.” Nozomi tilted their head slightly in the universal gesture of ‘what do you mean?’ “When they came to Mt. Ebbot, they weren’t very happy. They were really shy and scared of all of us. Despite their fear, they were determined to help us. They were determined to free us. Gerson has told me some about you. How you approached him with the idea of a bookstore, how you cleaned up graffiti from anti-monster attacks, how you never give up. That’s the biggest thing. Both you and Frisk never give up. And that’s pretty cool.” 

A heavy weight sunk onto Nozomi’s chest, crushing them.  _ He’s worried about you. He thinks you’re weak.  _ They slowly curled into themself more, bringing their knees up to their chest. 

Sans cleared his throat, breaking the cycle of self hate. “So, um, tell me about what you like to do, your friends, anything really. If we’re gonna be hanging out more, I’d really like to know more about you.”

Nozomi stared through the wall past Sans’ head. What did they like? Do they have friends? I mean there was Gerson but he was their boss. Is that weird? To say that their only friend is their boss? They blinked slowly, swallowing. “I, um, not really? I don’t know? I’m sorry.”

Sans waved his hand dismissively. “No worries, Zomi. I get it.” Nozomi sank deeper into their sweater until only their eyes were visible between the curtain of black curly hair and cream sweater. 

“What about you?” Nozomi asked from their cocoon of sweater, eyes curious, slightly less dead. Their voice was muffled but even so, it was slightly stronger than before. 

“Sleeping mostly.” Sans chuckled before continuing. “My best friend is definitely my bro, Papyrus. He’s the best. He’s a great cook and puzzle creator and motivator. You met him before, although I’m not surprised if you don’t remember him that well. Then of course there’s Frisk, they are really kind even though they have a sarcastic streak a mile wide, although I guess that’s teens for you. Undyne and Alphys are two more, you would love them. Undyne is…. Energetic but quite kind, and Alphys is really smart, like seriously. I could go on but I don’t want to bore you.” He stretched and yawned. “Hey, wanna go to Grillby’s?”

“Not really.” Nozomi replied, their voice quieter again. 

Sans hummed thoughtfully, shoving his hands deep into his hoodie. “How about you come over to me and my bro’s house? Less people, less stress, but I think it would do you good.” Somehow the way in which he phrased it made it clear that this wasn’t exactly a choice, but it was nice to pretend. 

“Um, ok. I’m gonna go grab some new clothes first then.” Nozomi struggled to their feet but refused Sans’ help this time. “I’ll be right back.” They inched to their room before rummaging through their clothes to find any sort of clean outfit. Eventually they found a long black shirt and baggy green pants. They changed as fast as possible, and then put on their glasses, as they had enough of a headache as is. They pulled on some random tennis shoes and rejoined Sans. 

He looked up and his eye sockets widened slightly in surprise. “Huh, didn’t know you wore glasses. They look nice.” Nozomi managed a weak smile. They were certain that the round frames made them look like a fed-up librarian, but they appreciated the compliment, even if he was lying. “Come on.” 

Nozomi froze. Unbidden memories of their father locking them in their room for weeks at a time for going to another person’s house, of getting their phone taken away and their contacts deleted, of not being allowed to talk to anyone except their father and his...friends? Clients? How long had it been since they had been anywhere except home and work? What if he found out? 

Pushing these thoughts to the back of their brain to be dealt with another time, Nozomi nodded and grabbed the arm offered by the monster. With no warning except a “hold tight”, they were whisked into an emptiness. They felt light as air and yet heavy as they flailed around, trying to find anything to hold on to. They managed to grab hold of some fabric, and the world began to lighten but Nozomi saw another skeleton monster staring straight at them out of the corner of their eye. Turning their head, they saw the being for a split second, taking in the amorphous form, before its eyes widened and it disappeared. Not a moment later, Nozomi hit solid ground, stumbling forward. 

“What. The. Fuck.” They tried to still their racing heart while glaring at Sans. 

“Um, surprise?” He smiled apologetically. “In my defense, I did tell you to hold tight.” His smile slipped very slightly. “How about you sit down?” Without waiting for a response, he gently grabbed their shoulders, guiding them to a worn green couch. The couch made a subtle jangling sound and Sans chuckled. “If you find anything interesting in the couch, feel free to keep it.”

Nozomi stared at him quizzically. “Define interesting.”

Sans grinned, genuinely interested in this conversation. “Frisk found 20 G in there once. There was a legendary artifact that Papyrus found before Toby absorbed it. Most of the time it’s just random stuff, like dumplings or fairy lights. Most of them end up under the sink eventually.” 

Nozomi tried to process what they just heard. “Toby? Absorbing artifacts? Under the sink? G?” Sans’ smile grew wider at every question, clearly enjoying the confusion.

“Toby is our dog. He’s not like my dog or anything, he’s just our dog. Collectively. Most of the time we call him Annoying Dog. He likes to interfere with things. Like legendary artifacts. And yeah, Papyrus extended the sink to fit more bones underneath it. Why do you ask? G is- or rather was, our currency. It’s gold, so apparently it’s worth quite a lot to humans.” 

Nozomi gaped. “Um… how….? You know what, never mind.” Sans chuckled again before flopping down next to them. 

“SANS! THAT BETTER NOT HAVE BEEN YOU BOONDOGGLING!!!! YOU STILL HAVEN’T PICKED UP YOUR SOCK!” The sudden noise made Nozomi jump slightly, but upon recognizing Papyrus’ voice, they were able to settle down slightly. 

“But bro, it adds to the atmosphere.” Sans retorted, making absolutely no move to pick up the sock. 

“IT ABSOLUTELY DOES N- Oh hello human!” Papyrus walked out of the kitchen, wiping his hands on a towel. 

“THERE’S A HUMAN HERE?” Another incredibly boisterous voice came from the kitchen, and this time Nozomi flinched hard. A blue blur sped into the living room and suddenly Nozomi was staring at a ripped fish lady. “HEY PUNK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?”

“Undyne, quiet down, would ya?” Sans said, eyes half-lidded but tone firm. 

Undyne, snapped her mouth closed before erupting into laughter. “BWAH HAH HAH! YOU WEENIE!” She ran over to Sans, preparing to trap him in a headlock but Sans was suddenly across the room. “HEY! NO MAGIC! THAT’S CHEATING!!!”

“Don’t care. Now be quiet.” Sans said, his voice leaving even less room for negotiation. 

“Geez. Ok.” Undyne rolled her single eye before turning back to Nozomi, who was watching all this with a petrified look. “Hey! I’m Undyne!” She grinned, exposing wicked sharp yellow teeth.

Nozomi swallowed nervously. “Um… hi? I’m Nozomi?” They looked around, making eye contact with Sans in a silent plea. “Nice to meet you?”

“Geez! I can barely hear you! Speak up!” Undyne was suddenly about six inches away from Nozomi’s face. Smells like sushi. Nozomi looked nervously at this woman invading her space. Blue skin with delicate dark blue freckles, a single piercing yellow eye, and a wicked scar that took up about a quarter of her face, right through where the other eye would be. “Come on! Where’s your passion?” 

Nozomi tried to remain calm, but this was much too close. “I… um…. I.” Panic began to bubble up again and they glanced back over at Sans who gave a subtle nod. A blue glow surrounded Undyne and she was gently lifted back across the room to Papyrus.

“Hey! Sans! Not fair!” Undyne yelled, but she was not angry. 

“Undyne. Read a room. Personal space.” Sans said strictly. Undyne rolled her eye again. 

“Ok dork.” She rolled her eye, but the blue glow disappeared. “Papyrus, can you believe this? I was just greeting our guest!”

“Our?” Sans piped up. Undyne glared at him, mumbling something to herself. 

“OUR DEAR FRIEND UNDYNE WAS COOKING WITH MK AND IT WENT…. UM… WELL…?” Papyrus started but trailed off, wringing his hands nervously.

“It went great! It’s not my fault that human houses aren’t fireproof!” Undyne pouted, crossing her arms. Nozomi shot a look at Sans.

“Undyne, monster houses aren’t fireproof either.” Sans pointed out. “Except for Grillby’s.” 

Undyne hummed thoughtfully. “I guess that’s fair. Anyways!” She clapped loudly, causing Nozomi to jump slightly. “Tell me about you!”

“I… um... “ Nozomi swallowed as they tried to think of literally anything about them. “I like tea?”

“Really? No way! Me too!” Undyne looked as if she was barely holding herself back from trying to give Nozomi the biggest noogie of all time. “I’ll go make some tea right now!”

“Undyne, remember the rule we set?” Sans spoke up from behind Nozomi, causing them to jump again, nerves too frayed to even suppress it anymore. “Sorry Nozomi.”

“Oh yeah.” Undyne sat down on the opposite side of the couch from Nozomi, voice at a reasonable level for once. She smiled at Nozomi. “Sorry, I’m not allowed to cook in their kitchen.” 

“I wonder why.” Sans mumbled, just loud enough for Nozomi to hear. They tried to hide their laughter with a cough. 

  
  


“Anyways, while Papyrus makes you tea, why don’t we have a little chat?” Undyne asked. Even though the question was posed casually, Nozomi knew there was no way out of this.

“I’ll be in the kitchen.” Sans said, actually walking for once. He grinned as Nozomi gave him a pleading look. “You kids have fun.”

Suddenly it was just Undyne and Nozomi, and they felt very very small. There was a hand on their arm, and suddenly they were staring into Undyne’s single piercing yellow eye. “So, Nozomi, what exactly are you trying to pull here?"


	4. Tea and Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Undyne and Nozomi have a chat. Nozomi feels something other than self-loathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry it's been so long. I have a job and school and also I'm uninspired, so I forget to write. But here's a filler chapter, and I am going to try to have another one up soon. I'm mentally ill so understand that sometimes my best attempts kind of suck. Love ya, enjoy the chapter.

“So, Nozomi, what are you trying to pull here?”

Nozomi couldn’t make eye contact with the persistent fish, so they shrunk into their sweater, making their best attempt at a turtle. They managed to squeak a few words out finally. 

“What do you mean?”

Undyne chuckled, but the tone was off, dark. “Listen here, Nozomi. I know your kind. You pretend to be weak and helpless just enough for a kind monster to come along and then you STAB THEIR SOUL. Isn’t that right?”

Nozomi shook their head wildly, vision going white. “No, no no, that’s not it. I’m not trying to hurt anyone. Promise.” Somehow their voice, frantic as it was, managed to be loud enough and steady enough to make Undyne look surprised. 

There was silence for a few seconds, and Nozomi looked up carefully. Immediately their view was filled with the face of this fish woman. They tried to avoid eye contact but Undyne followed every single movement. After an eternity, Undyne leaned back and Nozomi let out a breath they didn’t know they had been holding. 

“You’re telling the truth.” It wasn’t phrased as a question. Undyne seemed uneasy, but less angry. “You really don’t intend to hurt either of the brothers, do you?”

“No, why would I?” Nozomi responded, head back down, eyes occupied with sweater sleeves. They traced the knitting piece by piece with their eyes, carefully.

“People tend to be, well, less than fantastic to us monsters, Nozomi.” Undyne sighed. “Trying to keep Papyrus safe during the first year on the Surface was very hard, and well, one time he got hurt. Sans is a bit more wary, but somehow upon meeting you, he trusted you. That doesn’t happen. I was… scared.” She leaned back against the couch and ran her fingers through her tangled red hair. “I’m sorry.”

Nozomi paused in their sweater mapping and cautiously looked up. “Why?”

Undyne avoided Nozomi’s gaze, an ironic role reversal. “Papyrus asked me to be nice to you, and the first thing I did was make you terrified.”

Nozomi swallowed the lump in their throat, feeling a terrible burden for making another being feel sorry on their behalf. “To be fair, Undyne, everything makes me terrified.” 

Undyne paused for a moment, glancing over to see Nozomi’s mouth twitch upward into an attempt at a smirk and then guffawed. “BWAH HAHAH HAHA!!!” The sudden loud outburst made Nozomi jump and shrink slightly more.

“UNDYNE, WHAT’S SO FUNNY?” Papyrus asked, walking into the room, balancing three mugs of hot tea. 

“Nothing, punk.’ Undyne chuckled, wiping tears from her eye. Papyrus squinted suspiciously at her but gave her a cup of tea anyways. “Thank you.”

Papyrus smiled kindly at Nozomi. “Take your pick of mug, Nozomi.” Nozomi chose a sunshine yellow mug with a lopsided flower painted on it. “Great choice! Frisk painted that one.” Papyrus sat next to them, holding his own mug, a blue one with bubbles. “Sans will be joining us in a moment, he’s making some sandwiches.”

“Sans?” Undyne seemed shocked by this. “But he doesn’t do anything!” 

“Now Undyne, that is hardly fair.” Papyrus reprimanded kindly. “He works many jobs, it’s only fair that he gets to relax when he’s home.” 

Nozomi observed as the two fell back into conversation, sipping the warm tea slowly. They felt it slowly warm their whole body, travelling from the top of their head to the tips of their toes. They languished in the comforting feeling, and the mug was empty in a matter of minutes. 

Undyne noticed and smiled. “Golden flower tea. Isn’t it awesome?” Nozomi nodded, wanting to stay silent as if all of the warmth would escape if they uttered a word. “Papyrus, would you get Nozomi and I some more tea?”

“Sure thing, Undyne!” Nozomi gratefully offered up their mug and nodded in thanks. 

Undyne watched as Papyrus left the room and then her smile dropped and she scooted next to Nozomi. “Now, Nozomi, I believe what you said about not hurting them. I saw your intent. But let me make one thing clear.” Undyne slammed her hand next to Nozomi’s head. Nozomi jumped as their field of view was drawn towards Undyne’s single glowing eye. The air smelled like the ocean. “You hurt them once. You make one wrong move, you so much as utter a hateful word, and I will find you. I will find you and I will make you pay, until you wish you had never been born. Understood?” Nozomi nodded rapidly, 100% onboard. “Good.”

Undyne pulled back and scooted back to her original position, just as Sans walked into the room. He took one glance at the two of them and sighed. 

“Undyne, what did you do?” He set a plate of food in front of Nozomi, who was still frozen in fear. 

“Nothing! I swear! I was just stating some facts, is all!” Undyne threw her hands up in a placating gesture, but Sans just arched a browbone. “I just don’t want a repeat of what’s happened before.”

Sans hummed thoughtfully, setting a plate of food next to Undyne before sitting down next to Nozomi. The couch squeaked in protest. “Zomi, you ok?”

Nozomi blinked slowly before shaking their head quickly. “Yeah, Undyne didn’t do anything wrong. I’m good.” They looked down, just noticing the food in front of them. “What’s this?” 

“It’s sunflower seed butter and raspberry jam sandwiches.” Sans took a big bite out of his before continuing to talk, mid-chew. “You aren’t allergic, are you?”

Nozomi thought about saying yes. Yes means avoiding food, it means an excuse for not eating. But then they met Sans’ eyelights and they knew he would see right through their lie, so they swallowed their excuses and shook their head. Under his gaze, they slowly grabbed the sandwich and bit into it. 

Unlike sandwiches in the past, this one seemed to disappear after the first couple of chews, and Nozomi felt steadier than they had been in weeks immediately. Bewildered, they looked around before giving their skeleton neighbor a quizzical stare.

“Magic!” Sans said vaguely. “It’s a lot easier for us monsters to digest, especially my bro and I since we’re just bones. Frisk has also told me that it is much easier on human stomachs too. I’ll take their word for it.”

“Sans! You aren’t boring our new friend with science, are you?” Papyrus reemerged from the kitchen with steaming cups. “Here’s your tea, Nozomi.” 

Nozomi thanked him before digging into their sandwich. If it was magic, it couldn’t make them fat. They pretended they didn’t notice Sans softening his smile into a more genuine one. They didn’t want people to worry about them. Plus this would be enough for a while. 

Friend. It was a nice word. It made them feel warm and fuzzy just like the tea did. They slowly raised their legs to sit cross legged on the couch, and curled up into their cozy sweater, content to just listen to the sparkling conversation. Sitting here, full of magic food and tea, with new people that they might be able to call friends, they almost felt ok. The thought brought a genuine smile to their face and Sans noticed, gently offering his hand to keep them grounded. With a small smile, Nozomi took his hand and exhaled, content. Maybe things were going to be ok after all. 


	5. The Void

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nozomi meets an important character.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of tea in this chapter because I love tea.

Nozomi ended up staying much longer than expected, revelling in the warmth. They can’t remember the last time they felt wanted. The afternoon felt warm and safe, the room filled with a soft glow. Their tea was refilled every time that it ran low. Conversation sparkled, people laughed, it was so much better than the voices Nozomi was used to hearing. 

When the feeling began to fade, it was already 6 pm. Settling back into the uncomfortable cold and grey, Nozomi finished their tea and then cleared their throat. 

“I should be going. This was really fun.” They could feel their energy draining, but they tried to keep their voice happy. 

“Ah man, really?” Undyne groaned. “We were having fun!”

“Yeah, I’m sorry.” Nozomi tried to keep the weight out of their voice. They saw Sans give them a concerned glance but tried to ignore it. 

“DO NOT WORRY, FRIEND! I’M SURE WE WILL SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN SOON!” Papyrus smiled brightly, before opening his arms for a hug. Nozomi cautiously reached out and accepted it, only for a moment. It simultaneously made their skin crawl and made them feel safe. 

“Let me walk you back to your apartment.” Sans offered. Nozomi wanted to decline but his eyes conveyed that this wasn’t really something to negotiate. So they hesitantly agreed, bidding farewell to their new friends, and left with Sans. “So… something happened in there, are you ok?”

Nozomi started walking, avoiding Sans’ eyelights. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” They heard a pop and then Sans was standing in front of them. They stumbled back and almost fell but Sans reached a hand out and caught their hand. 

“You ok?” His hand was warm, Nozomi could feel it seep it into their body and make them feel again. They nodded slowly. “Are you sure you’re alright?” His voice was soft, caring. Nothing Nozomi was used to. They opened and closed their mouth a few times but settled on nodding. “Ok.” They started walking again, still holding hands. It felt safe, natural. They walked in silence for a while before arriving back at Nozomi’s door. Sans turned to them, eyes filled with concern. “Hey, please take care of yourself. A lot of people really care about you.” 

Nozomi realized that they were still holding hands and slowly slid their hand out of Sans’, a blush covering their face. “Thanks. Today was… nice.” 

Sans smiled big. “No problem. We should hang out again. I’ll see you again soon, ok?”

“Ok.” Nozomi smiled softly, opening their door. “See ya.” There was another pop and Sans was gone. 

Still feeling residual warmth, Nozomi entered their apartment and started a pot of water for some tea. Feeling more energy than they had felt for a long time, Nozomi decided to do a few things they hadn’t done in a while. While waiting for the water to boil, Nozomi gathered their laundry and put it into a hamper. It had coated their floor for so long, so being able to get it off of the floor was a relief. 

Carefully pouring the water into a handmade mug they had made in college, they plopped a random tea bag in and waited. In the meantime, they plugged their phone in and made their bed. Maybe they could actually sleep in it for once. 

The tea now ready, they sat down on their ragged couch and turned on the TV. Relaxing into their seat, they sipped their tea. Mmm, earl grey. Nozomi’s social meter was completely depleted, so having this time was more important than anything. After a good hour or two, they felt recharged enough to move. 

Running their fingers through their curly hair, they noticed how much grease had accumulated. Maybe they should shower. It might help the warm feeling to stay, plus they weren’t charged for water. 

Nozomi slowly got out of the vice grip the couch had pulled them into and grabbed some clean clothes. They were soft and cool to the touch. Going into the bathroom, they started the shower and then glanced at the mirror before focusing on their reflection. No wonder Sans was worried. 

Their eyes were bloodshot, surrounded by dark circles. Their cheeks were sunken, and their skin looked paper thin. They looked like shit. 

Sighing, Nozomi got into the shower and let the steam warm them up. Growing up, they had not been allowed to have a warm shower, and it still felt like a forbidden luxury. They shampooed their hair and washed it, hair falling out noticeably. They finished up their shower and stepped out, yawning. They slipped into their clean clothes before trudging to their bed. It was late enough to call it a night. It had been a long day, they should reward themself. 

Tucked into bed, they almost immediately lost consciousness. 

Waking up in total darkness wasn’t how Nozomi expected their day to start but sometimes you don’t get a choice in these things. Feeling around, there appeared to be nothing but air so Nozomi tried walking. There was no solid ground, but it didn’t feel as if they were falling. That was a plus. 

“Hello?” Their voice didn’t echo, stopping dead as if they were in a soundproof room. It made them uneasy. “Is anyone there?” 

They continued walking, trying to find anything different. There was nothing to distinguish one area from another, no air brushing against them, no footsteps, no sound besides their breathing. The air felt stagnant and heavy. 

“Is anyone there?” They repeated, almost yelling now. This space was making them feel cornered and small. They heard ringing in their ears, their brain trying to create some sort of outside noise. “HELLO?” 

A static whine began to build out of nowhere, making Nozomi grab at their head and cover their ears. A figure slowly coalesced in front of them. As they watched, a white head formed out of goop, forming a figure in a robe. It was facing away from them so Nozomi slowly moved more towards the figure. 

“Um, hi?” The figure jumped, making a series of discordant noises. Now that Nozomi could see their face, they could tell it was a skeleton, one long crack reaching from one eyesocket up to the top of the skull and the other reaching down to a smiling mouth. Nozomi tried to keep their voice calm for this creature. “Sorry for scaring you.”

The skeleton opened its mouth and more of the noises emerged, but Nozomi heard something totally different at the same time. “It is alright, Nozomi James.”

“Y-you know my name?” Nozomi stared at the creature, who nodded. 

“I know much about your world, human. I was once a part of it.” 

Nozomi thought for a moment before coming up with their next question. “What is your name?”

The creature seemed to hesitate for a second. “I do not know that you will be able to understand it. Many before you have been unable. But it is Gaster.”

“Gaster?” Nozomi confirmed. Gaster seemed shocked but nodded anyways. “What is this place?”

"This is the Void. It exists outside of time and space. Your friend, Sans, transports through this in order to teleport.” 

“So you were who I saw earlier.” Nozomi realised. He nodded. 

“Indeed. I realized that you could see me, and decided to bring you here, hoping that I could change the course of your future.”

Something about the way he said that made Nozomi worried. “Change the course of my future? Is there something wrong?”

Gaster hesitated before slowly answering. “I wish I could say. I have a couple ideas to help you along the way. Would you like my help, Nozomi?”

“Um.. sure?” Nozomi wasn’t sure how to respond, but it seemed to be important. 

“You must return to Gerson. This is imperative to your journey. I know work is tough, but the business is suffering without you, and it needs a human.” 

Nozomi nodded. “I’ll go in today. Anything else?”

Gaster sighed. “Rely on your friends. You are not alone. Be wary of strangers. There are people watching. Be careful. There are enemies everywhere.” 

A chill went down Nozomi’s spine. “I don’t understand.”

“I know. But please, I have seen your future, and the future of monsters and humans. You must survive.” Gaster was so serious, it made Nozomi nervous. “One more thing, human. You cannot tell Sans. I know that that’s a lot to ask, but you cannot tell Sans about me or about what I’ve told you. Not yet.”

“I promise.” Nozomi said sincerely. 

“Good. I will see you in the future, Nozomi James. Now it is time to wake up.” As soon as he said this, the Void started to lighten and disappear. Nozomi woke up. 

A knock at the door startled them out of their thoughts. With no time to dwell on their strange vision? dream? they rushed to the door. Bursting it open, they expected to see Sans but there was nobody. Looking around the door, Nozomi saw an envelope taped to it. They collected it and went back inside, opening it carefully. 

Inside was a picture. Sans was holding Nozomi’s hand and they were smiling. They realized it had been from yesterday. Flipping it over, they read the note, making their blood run cold. 

_We are always watching. Step carefully,_ _watch your back._


End file.
